My 5 year olds view of me.
My level of crunchiness is significantly higher then most people I know. At least in my family – not much crunch there. Sometimes I feel lonely because my beliefs, thoughts and actions are so different from many of the people around me. I have friends that I feel totally at ease with; I feel at home and I can let my guard down and just completely be me. The first time this really happened was when I met other pagans. It’s the ultimate cliché, but I felt that I had come home. But when I am with my family (not the immediate family like my husband and my girls of course), distant relatives or friends, and even with strangers, - there are big parts of me that would never dare to peek out of the dark and dusty closet.
Not that I always and at all times have to show off all parts of my personality and discuss all the things I believe in or think about! We all wear different masks in different situations and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But sometimes being/feeling different is lonely; like living on another planet or in a culture that is totally strange to you. And sometimes it is exhausting to defend your thoughts and actions to people that don’t (and really don’t want to) understand where you’re coming from.
But then again there are times when proclaiming your view is both giving and energizing…
There are positive aspects to this. Most of the time (luckily) I feel proud and completely at peace with my beliefs and thoughts. What I miss are more people to share them with. Commuity. Americans are great when it comes to everything “community” – at least is seems like it from my point of view. I was asking my husband the other day if he would like to move to the US or the UK for a year – just to try it out. To get closer to communities that has the same values and interests that we do. He wasn’t put off by the idea.
But we will still be the same people, just in a different environment. Will that change anything? I know that spending time with equals gives me a lot of positive energy and happiness, but still?
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8 comments:
hm, jeg snakket akkurat med en venninde i går om å plukke opp igjen drømmen om å bo i et øko/hippiekollektiv. det gav et energikick bare å tenke på det.
I totally agree with you - My family often avoid talking to me about certain topics because the way I understand those topics goes deeper than they want to go. And (oh my goodness!) since I became a Priestess that is even stranger. Better not to talk about it, even though it is one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done for myself.
I cannot express myself fully without their eyes glazing over and the subject being changed ... not that I go on about things, but how can I participate in conversations from my own truth? As a result we grow distant and that makes me sad. I live in a community of like-minded people, but I wish my family could have this experience too.
Jen
This is a really tough thing to negotiate in our lives. Jen--your comment rings true for me as well--too well. It's to the point where I have family that won't even talk to me (or their niece and nephew) because she disagrees with our unschooling and beliefs. It's sad. They make all kinds of assumptions, mainly that our choices are a comment or judgement of theirs. It's only that we have chosen differently. ::sigh:: Good topic, though.
Just think of the joy and beauty in the world people miss out on because of their determination not to see it!
therese: ja, jeg tenker ofte på det. Men jeg vet ikke om jeg kunne bodd i et veldig tett bofellesskap 24/7. Jeg må ha litt luft og alenetid, ellers blir jeg gal(ere)... Men tanken frister. Det finnes jo flere måter å bo/organisere seg på.
amy: "-They make all kinds of assumptions, mainly that our choices are a comment or judgement of theirs."
I know! Oh my… I know… But – sometimes we probably do that as well ;) Judge their choices. I know I do from time to time, but I never say anything anymore. It’s kind of sad really; some people in my family seem to believe that all I say or do has something to do with them. I think the(ir…) world (and life itself) has to become very small and limited when you look at it that way.
Jen: *nodding* Indeed. :)
But I don’t think they see it as a loss. We just see different things, or we define beauty differently. Nothing wrong with that really. But I don’t think it gives them (or anyone – ourselves included) the right to (repeatedly…) condemn other peoples life choices, as long as everyone involved is happy and healthy ;)
Sure. But I do find it sad that the beauty I can see is invisible to others.
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