My 5 year olds view of me.
My level of crunchiness is significantly higher then most people I know. At least in my family – not much crunch there. Sometimes I feel lonely because my beliefs, thoughts and actions are so different from many of the people around me. I have friends that I feel totally at ease with; I feel at home and I can let my guard down and just completely be me. The first time this really happened was when I met other pagans. It’s the ultimate cliché, but I felt that I had come home. But when I am with my family (not the immediate family like my husband and my girls of course), distant relatives or friends, and even with strangers, - there are big parts of me that would never dare to peek out of the dark and dusty closet.
Not that I always and at all times have to show off all parts of my personality and discuss all the things I believe in or think about! We all wear different masks in different situations and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But sometimes being/feeling different is lonely; like living on another planet or in a culture that is totally strange to you. And sometimes it is exhausting to defend your thoughts and actions to people that don’t (and really don’t want to) understand where you’re coming from.
But then again there are times when proclaiming your view is both giving and energizing…
There are positive aspects to this. Most of the time (luckily) I feel proud and completely at peace with my beliefs and thoughts. What I miss are more people to share them with. Commuity. Americans are great when it comes to everything “community” – at least is seems like it from my point of view. I was asking my husband the other day if he would like to move to the US or the UK for a year – just to try it out. To get closer to communities that has the same values and interests that we do. He wasn’t put off by the idea.
But we will still be the same people, just in a different environment. Will that change anything? I know that spending time with equals gives me a lot of positive energy and happiness, but still?